This season I have been exploring my artistic outlets and what they mean to me, the direction I am being called to go, my fears about the next steps, and questioning why I have a drive to create with my hands all the time.
My love for all things creative is a double-edged sword. It is a gift and also a curse. I love sewing, needle-felting, painting, drawing, chalks, inks, calligraphy, the list goes on. All the mediums excite me. If I watched a video or read a story about a sand artist, I would probably want to be a professional sand artist the next day. I would envision my life and how it could be, start looking up supplies, and give it a go... until the next thing came to the forefront. It is a gift that I can get passionate about so many things because my life is always full of inspiration and ideas, yet it is a curse because I lack focus that is required to move forward in any specific direction for an extended period of time. I have confidence that I could do any one of these things successfully, but I lack confidence at which thing it should be. My path is clear that I should express myself artistically, but muddled in where to go with this and why.
Most recently, I have been oil painting landscapes and buildings. Landscapes and buildings are not something I have explored in great depth in the past. I usually have been attracted to a character as the main focal point of my pieces. I thought characters were more interesting — they had a story to tell. What I have been learning about myself through painting landscapes, however, is what is possible without the "distraction" of a character. What is the true essence of what I am trying to say or accomplish. Perhaps it is more subtle.
Isn't there beauty in colors and shapes alone? How can a slightly imperfect line make me relax? Why does the simple line of a rooftop fading into the sky create satisfaction, a softness? What is it I'm looking for? What is it I'm trying to recreate? Why is it so hard for me to choose one route.
As I look back at my artist statement, I feel more lost than ever, but for once am okay that I am lost. I am open to letting go of the old to make room for the new. I can't let being "an artist" define who I am. I am much more than an artist.
Everybody has that feeling deep inside, that feeling of goodness, innocence, comfort, and home. It isn't always the place we are in now but the place we remember from a long time ago when we weren't afraid to love, and weren't afraid to receive love. The time when big and small, fairies and dinosaurs, could all exist in one place, in one time, because we all were home...I draw to capture this place, the beauty, to spark a memory that this time will come again, to remind people of that feeling deep inside, that feeling that never goes away but we often forget is there, that feeling that everything is going to be okay. We are all beautiful, all perfect, all innocent in an endless time and space, that we often forget can be ours.
So while I don't have all the answers, I am asking myself the questions instead of pretending I already have all the answers. This week I challenge you to explore these questions with me. What are you afraid to let go of? What are the things that you let define yourself that may be holding you back from new possibilities? Each and every one of you is perfect has something wonderful to offer to this world. Allow yourself to become who you were made to be.