This summer Dustin and I went to a Lake Erie for a week with my immediate family (Mom, Dad, brother, and niece) as well as part of my extended family on my Mom's side (uncle, aunt, two cousins and their spouses).
For as long as I can remember my family has planned some sort of summer getaway whether it be for several days or an entire week. This year, like most years, they rented a big house for us all to crash in for the stay. As my cousins, brother, and I have grown up our schedules and lives have become less in alignment with each other. This means we are often not all there at the same time but rather popping in an out over the course of the week. Still, my heart treasures these trips even more each year and I have come to appreciate how rare and special it is that they have come to fruition every summer.
This season in particular I have noticed a great change in my heart and an evolution of my spirit. Whether the fact that it is my last summer in my twenty's or it is my first summer married to Dustin has anything to do with it I'm not sure, but those are two pretty big life changes that have coincided. Defiant layers of stubbornness and selfishness are being peeled away and revealing a confident self and beautiful world that I did not know could exist in or around me.
During vacation I saw how beautiful each and every member of my family is. Everyone is so different, yet our hearts are the same. Isn't that the beauty of family? But perhaps I'm just slow to the game. I love the routines we began to form even after just a few days together. The older generation already up long before ten with their morning exercise checked off and breakfast eaten. The younger generation just meandering out of bed around this time to get a pot of coffee brewing. Amy, my cousin, in the chaise reading her book. Autumn, my niece, cheerfully writing us party invites for games later in the evening. These were the simple moments I began to hold close to my heart.
Lake Erie was beautiful as always, and I've always had the driving urge to move someplace far away one day. Why not move to the mountains in Colorado or the beach in North Carolina. Why not Iceland? Seeing the vast water reminded me how much I love exploring this beautiful Earth, but my desires are slowly changing even against my own consent. Lately, I want to stay instead of run. I have always moved city to city and house to house. Just as soon as I got settled somewhere I became dissatisfied and wanted to move again - a fresh start, a new Becky. What was I looking for? What did I think I would find that was so much better than what I already had? Would living in the mountains really make me happy or would I just find myself in the mountains as the same old me running away from who I am?
So instead, this season I am focusing on staying. Since I am no longer running, parts of my heart that I thought I could leave behind are coming to the surface - parts of my heart that feel guilty, hurt, and that I'm ashamed of. But with this awareness comes great forgiveness. I am experiencing a process of healing the heart. As these fragments of my soul are put back together I no longer feel that urge to run away anymore. I have everything I need right where I am.
PHOTO CREDIT: Dustin Krotts
T-SHIRT DRESS by Joah Brown
DENIM SHORTS by Levi's
BACKPACK (old by Mossimo) / Similar